Five Year Olds and Manners

Part One:

Reuben (counting to thirty): "twenty-NINE.....one-ty. One-ty one, one-ty two, one-ty three..."

Mama: "Reuben, there is no 'one-ty'. That's what the 'teens' were. You don't have to count it again."

Reuben: "No, Mama, I like it this way. Just don't worry about it. But you'll have to cover your ears in a minute, because the next part is Bad Manners."

Mama: "What do you mean? What is the next part?"

Reuben (shaking his head, horrified): "Oh I can't tell you. Please just cover your ears."

Mama: "No, I'd like to know please."

Reuben: "No, Mama."

Mama refuses to cover her ears.

Reuben: "Okay, but I warned you. One-ty-eight, one-ty-nine....(looks at Mama one last time pleadingly)..."tooty. Tooty-one, tooty-two..."

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Part Two:

Reuben (helping Mama blend home-made refried black beans in the food processor for lunch's 7-layer bean dip): "MAMA! Look! They're not black anymore! Mmmmm.....they look like CHOCOLATE. .....And.....and, they look like something else, too. But I'm not going to tell you what. Because it's Bad Manners."